Hindi Ako Bakla… Kla Kla Kla Kla Kla :|

What gives us the notion to call a male person gay? Is it when they adore the Fab 5? And no, not in the “just a fan of the show” basis, if you catch my drift. Is it when we see someone enjoying themselves TOO MUCH in the locker rooms? Or someone looking forward for P.E but not so much for the physical part, but more of the changing of clothes part. Is it when we hear someone speak in a different language with words like badesh or chokla? Or a guy calling another guy “sister”? Is it when we see someone wearing clothes that don’t exactly fit males? Like extremely tight leather jeans or stuff that don’t really cover the male genitals (Richard Simmons). Or maybe it is when someone is part of the Filipino Department. (Sorry, cannot help myself to put that one in. No offense to anyone part of it.) There are many more notions that can be mentioned, some may be true, some may be false. However, one thing is for sure, I definitely do not want to be called gay.

There are a few reasons why I do not want this word to be associated with me. The biggest being I am conscious about my reputation. Just like most of us, I care about what other people think of me. That is why I do not want them to think I am something that I am not. And I am definitely not gay. I just cannot picture myself having gas fights while drinking orange mocha frappuccinos or having another male as my ice skating partner. Just the thought of these things already creep me out. Don’t get me wrong though, I have friends that are gay and I respect their choice of lifestyle and all. However, when someone calls me this, it just lowers my self esteem. I mean, males are pictured to be strong and masculine and I like being referenced to that. But being called gay just erases this perception.

Now it might seem that I am over reacting and acting like a homophobe. But please understand the reason why I am like this with regards to this word is because I was called gay before. Back when I was in the sixth grade, my father passed away. I was not able to experience the bonding a boy should get with his father as much as the other kids. So instead, I grew up spending a lot of time with my mom and two sisters which made me a little feminine. Because of this, people in school started calling me gay and a momma’s boy, which back in grade school was a very big insult to hear. It also did not help that my English teacher called me gay. I only found out a year later she was referring to the word’s actual meaning of being extremely happy… which I cannot contest. Eventually though, the people calling me gay ceased to do so. I have to thank God for the wonders of puberty as those people started maturing and realized how low name calling actually was. That and the fact that I started outgrowing everyone else also helped of course.

Another reason why people stopped calling me gay was because I just stopped paying attention to their insults. I realized that not letting the insults of this word affect you is a good way of stopping it because when people tease someone else, it is for the satisfaction they get when they hit a nerve of the other person. However if they do not succeed in doing so, they just make fools out of themselves instead. So in the end, the way for me to avoid being associated with this word ever again is just to believe in myself. I know that I am not gay. So when people insult me with this word again, I should not let this bring me down because I know it is not true.