Dear Diary

DISCLAIMER: The characters and events in this entry are fictional. Only the following are real: 1) Word, 2) Reasons for not wanting to be associated with the word, 3) Possibilities of being associated with the word, and 4) Measures in avoiding association with the word. Also, everything is deliberately kept simple (shallow vocabulary, easy-to-read narration, and intentional errors) as the account is written through the eyes and mind of a fifth grader.

 

September 21

Dear Diary,

It’s the first day of school!

I was so excited that I was the first one to arrive in class. hahaha! Even mommy was surprised. I think it’s because she’s never seen me so entusastic enthusiastic about school.

We didn’t do any studying yet. Today was more of like a get-to-know-each-other day. And boy did I meet a lot of new people! There’s a girl named Kate. She’s really, really cool! I also got to know a boy named Cody. I think he’s cute. I think he looks okay. Then, there’s Mischa. I like her best. I have a feeling we’re going to be the best of friends!

I can’t wait to make more friends in St. Mary’s Middle School… I have a feeling fifth grade is going to be really fun! Whoopiee!!

Lots o’ Love, J

October 04

Dear Diary,

It’s been almost two weeks since I last wrote to you. I’m really sorry. It’s just that I’ve been having a lot of fun with my new friends… that I… I… forgot about you. I’M SORRY! I promise it won’t happen again. Cross my heart!

I bet you want to know what’s been cooking in school. Well, we’ve been tackling fractions in math. Boy, are they hard! Mischa and I study together at my house everyday. Sometimes Cody comes over to help us. He’s really smart. I think I have a little crush on him. He sings really well, too! I wish I were like him.

By the way, I wasn’t wrong about Kate. She really is cool. I heard that she’s the only fifth grader to be invited to sit with the “3Cs” – Cool, Cute, and Charming. She hardly talks to us anymore. Oh well, I don’t care the slightest bit just as long as she stays away from Cody. Anyway, I’ll update you again!

Lots o’ Love, J

November 18

Dear Diary,

Oh my! You would never believe what happened today! What I’m about to tell you is probably the most controversial thing I’ve ever been a part of!

Kate’s lunch money has been stolen! Would you believe it? I can’t think of anybody who’d have the guts to mess with one of the 3Cs. Anyway, this was what happened:

Early today, Kate was bragging about how her mom gave her extra allowance money. She was blabbering about how she’d use the money to go shopping with the 3Cs. Then, after recess, everyone went to PE class… except this one girl named Bertha. To tell you the truth, I’ve never notised noticed Bertha before. She was always quiet and she never tried to stand out. Anyway, after PE, Kate’s money went missing! $40! Gone! The only person who could’ve taken it was… Bertha! At least, that’s what everyone thinks. Bertha came back just in time for the last class of the day. That’s when Kate stood on her chair and accused Bertha. Plus! She called her a big WART! Bertha then ran out of the classroom crying really hard. She didn’t come back to finish class.

Well, I don’t know what wart means. At least, not yet… but, after seeing Bertha break down like that, I definitely don’t want to be called or associyayted associated with it.

Lots o’ Love, J

November 25

Dear Diary,

Guess what? I’ve done some researching as to what “wart” means. All I can say is: I MOST DEFINITLY DEFINITELY DON’T WANT TO BE CALLED A WART. I don’t want anything to do with that word. Why? Because, for starters, it’s really disgusting.

The day after I last wrote to you. I went over to my teacher to ask her what “wart” meant. Mischa didn’t know and Cody didn’t want to tell me. He said it was better that I was clueless. Now I know why he didn’t want me to know. He’s really sweet. Anyway, back to the story. Ms. Andrews, my English teacher, told me that it was something very unpleasant and that if I wanted more information, I should go and ask Mrs. De Paul, the science teacher. I did. She told me that a wart was “a small, rough tumor that resembled a cauliflower or a solid blister”. She said that it was really disgusting, bothersome, and annoying. She also said something about everybody hating warts and about all the things they’d do to avoid people who had them. She even gave me a picture. I’m pasting a copy of it here. Looking at it makes me want to throw up.

Well, dear diary, I really don’t want other people to be disgusted with me. I don’t want them to avoid me either. I try my best to appear decent to other people. Being called a wart would be the exact opposite of how I’d like people to see me.

Mrs. De Paul saw my shocked expression after she spild the beens spilled the beans. She told me not to think about it anymore. No wonder Bertha cried! Anyway, I wanted to know more. So I asked cousin Lisa. She’s in college right now, so she knows a lot. She told me about how she used to have a friend who had a real wart – warts, actually. She also told me the guy had a hundred of them! I’m not lying. 100 warts clumped together! She says that it was normal for warts to grow in clusters and that there were different kinds of them. “Common, flat, filiform, plantar, and many more.”

She said that warts last for months, even years! The guy whom she knew was infected through skin contact (his friends dared him to touch one). He went to the doctor to have them burned with asid acid!

So you see, I don’t want to be called a wart because they are contagus contagious! (In a bad way) They last for years… continuously bothering people. I don’t want to be annoying other people for years on end and I really –

December 02

Sorry about not finishing the last entry! It was past my bedtime and mommy was getting angry. Where was I? Oh yes, reasons why I don’t want to have any conecshon connection with the word “wart”. Well, back to where I left off, I don’t want to annoy other people. Ask Mischa, she’ll back me up. If I’m called a wart, its like saying: just as the wart has different subtyps subtypes, I also have different levels and ways of being an irritant.

Cody also told me about how his brother had just recently grown a wart in his toe. He says that it bleeds all of a sudden and that his brother couldn’t walk properly. “It was like walking with stones in your shoes.”

Warts are maddening, icky, gross, and just plain disdainful. A new word I learned in English class today! Everybody wants to get rid of them. Being likened to a wart is the last thing I want to happen to me.

Oh! Cody’s here! He’s going to teach me how to play video games with his PS3! It’s just the two of us today. Got to go!

Lots o’ Love, J

February 13

Dear Diary,

GAAAHHH!! Last night, I had the WORST nightmare ever! Actually, it was a series of nightmares. I dreamt that… that… I was called a wart! By a lot of people! I woke up crying and shouting. Mommy and daddy rushed in. They told me it was all a bad dream and that I was okay. Here’s what I remember:

It was a normal school day. Mischa and I were together. Then all of a sudden, the 3Cs came up to us. Kate told me that I should hang out with them. So I left Mischa behind. The 3Cs and I were having a great time dising dissing everyone else, even the teachers. This went on for days and Mischa started to ignore me. Even Cody didn’t speak to me. All the other kids began glaring at us. Then one recess, everyone in St. Mary’s ganged up on us! They were shouting mean words! Mischa and Cody called me a wart! They shouted it over and over again! “WART! WART! WART!” I couldn’t take it anymore, I ran home.

Then suddenly, I was in a different dream. This time, I was bothering other classmates during math time. I was making so much noise and was intentionally distracting them from understanding the lesson. I didn’t stop until Mrs. De Paul, who is also my math teacher, turned around and screamed at me. “You worthless lump of wart!” That’s when I was silenced. I heard Mischa mutter, “Mrs. De Paul is right.” I started to feel teers hot tears in my eyes.

Then I had another dream, the worst one. I was all grown up. And everything was wrong. I wasn’t studying. I didn’t have a care in the world. I was a big problem to my parents. I hardly took a bath and I would dial people’s home phones during 3am just to wake them up and mess with their lives. One night, I saw Cody walking in the same street I was in. I called him. I still liked him. He didn’t answer. So I ran up to him. He pushed me away! He told me to beet beat it! “Stay away from me! You’re filthy, irritating, and good for nothing! I don’t want anything to do with you. Everyone’s right. You’re nothing but a WART!” I cried like crazy after. That was when I woke up.

What a nasty nightmare, huh? It really scared me. Anyway, tomorrow is Valentine’s! I’m going to give my paper heart to Cody. I hope he gives me his too.

Lots o’ Love, J

March 10

Dear Diary,

I told Cody about all the nightmares I had before. He told me that I didn’t have to worry because I could do things that would help me avoid being called a wart. He also said that he would never call me one. Aww… he’s just so sweet. Anyway, I went over to mommy and cousin Lisa to ask for advice. Mommy says: “The best way is to take a bath everyday, my love. Always be clean and tidy. Don’t run around dirty places like other rowdy kids. That’s unbecoming and it will also increase the lyklihud likelihood of you contacting warts. Back when I was young, I never had any problems with these things because I always see to it I’m tidy. I’d wash up whenever I get dirty. Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness.” So, I’m going to do just that! Mommies know best, right?

Cousin Lisa told me her secret to being well liked by her friends. She said that all I had to do was be aware of other people. “There’s a right time for everything, including jokes.” She told me that back in middle school, she would play, have fun, and be nice to everyone – not just the people she liked, but also the ones whom she wasn’t really close to. I think I’m going to try and be more soshable sociable. I won’t try to grab attention either. I think that’s annoying.

Oh! I almost forgot! Cody did give me his paper heart last Valentine’s! hahaha!

Lots o’ Love, J

June 24

Dear Diary,

Fifth grade is going to end soon. I never thought that it would be like this… full of “warts”. I guess, I could say that I did learn a lot during my first year in middle school. I’m sure there’s still a lot more ahead. I can’t even imagine how high school would be like! Guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that Bertha never stole Kate’s allowance. Turns out, the 3Cs took the money before even asking Kate. She let it go because “they were her friends”. Well, that’s her problem. Too bad for Bertha being wrongly accused and all, but I think she’s okay now.

Mischa will be going up to Canada for the summer. She’ll be visiting relatives there. So, it’s just going to be Cody and me here. For the whole summer! He promised he’d always come over. I’m so excited to spend time with him! I have a feeling this summer is going to be a blast!

Lots o’ Love, J