Three Kinds of Sausages
“How much of a man do you think you are?”
Sounds like something that would sell a new Axe perfume or a male enhancer supplement doesn’t it? But the truth is, this is a question that I would like to go out to all the suit wearing, beard shaving, weight lifting, condom wearing, “SON” of a some married couple . . . yes I’m addressing this question to all the sausages out there who think that they are one hundred percent all beef!
I believe that it would kill every man to find out that they are actually a lot more of a woman than they know it. Most experts would say that males are actually seventy to sixty percent male and thirty to forty percent of the opposite. With that said, most of the egotistic male readers of this entry might start thinking of sliding their mouse button somewhere to the top right portion of the screen and clicking that tiny little red button with that “x” in it. But if you just try meeting my three good friend and finishing this entry, then you might just realize what I am trying to invoke upon you dudes.
First up we have my good friend Red. Unbeatable basketball varsity superstar back in our high school days and one of the most wanted bachelors of our batch, Red was the ultimate jock and the epitome of ego in the modern world. Being the almighty and courageous figure that he is, most people would believe that he fears nothing, for everything and everyone fears him. However, that wasn’t the case for this 19 years old retired basketball player. It just so happened that Red is one of my closest friends and one day we all planned to watch a horror movie somewhere in Rockwell Power Plant. He was fearless like a terracotta warrior when the movie rolled. He didn’t move a muscle every time the movie would scare the audience with those BOOO’s. All of us were at the bottom of our seats, but he was like the man! Eventually the movie ended, and everyone was babbling on how frightened they were, but Red was still calm and composed. He was just laughing at us on how scared we all were and at the same time he was boasting on how the movie wasn’t even scary. All of a sudden we saw his eyes widen and he started squealing like a little girl, jumping on top of one of those chairs in the movie house, and when we turned to look at what he was so scared about, we saw a little brown crawling cockroach on the floor. I guess nothing more could be said about him, and the once great unbeatable was beaten by a three centimeter cockroach.
Next up we have my cousin Don. He is your average Joe . . . at least that’s what you would think if you haven’t been to his ten square meter bathroom. How do I know of this one might ask? It was this one day, when we were suppose to go to this family reunion thingy and I was the one assigned to fetch my cousin Don from his house. Before I went to fetch him, I called him just to make sure if he was all set to go. He told me that he would be ready in around five minutes, so in order to save time, I decided to just drive to his house and wait for him outside. By the time I reached his crib, he still wasn’t finished . . . so I turned on my radio and waited. The next thing I know an hour had already elapsed and there was still no sign of him in the front door. With the fact that we were already late, I went out of the car and went up to his room, when I entered the room he was no where to be found, but I heard a faint sound of wind coming from his bathroom (Fact*: no member of our family has ever been to his bathroom) just to surprise him, I slammed open his bathroom door and I was shocked with jaws dropped open. It was like being in an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. (My cousin is straight. He has a beautiful wife and beautiful children at the present.) I have entered the smallest store of Abercrombie and Fitch in the Philippines and there was my cousin blow-drying his already short hair in front of the mirror with all his products in front of him . . . still in his PJ’s. That same day my family got to know of the little small franchise of Abercrombie and Fitch in cousin Don’s bathroom and laughed out loud upon hearing about his gayness. Some people hide skeletons in their bathroom, but my cousin hides a whole new dimension.
Finally there is my close friend JJ. One thing I can say when I hear the name JJ . . . Solid! He is one of the buffest person I know. A XL shirt would seem like a small when he wears it and a XS would most probably explode. He is like the terminator and when one sees him for the first time, they would think that he actually eats babies and little kids. But all humble giants can be slain, and the downfall of this colossus was this harsh breakup he had with his girlfriend. One day I would just answer my ringing phone listening to this man on the other line asking me if he could come over, for he really needed company. Being the good friend that I was, I gladly said yes to him and minutes later he would come barging into my room. The moment the door opened I saw a giant that looked like he had already fill up eight bottles of tears and puffed ten boxes of tissues. Moments later the tears did started rolling down his eyes again and I didn’t know what to do but ask him to sit on a chair and pat him on the back. I would eventually listen to an hour of ranting and misery (those were some of the longest hours of my life) and the moment he finished talking, he grabbed his bag and took from within it five DVD’s of the cheesiest movies you could ever find in the world (ranging from a walk to remember to the note book). The day ended up with five DVD’s finished, a box of tissue emptied and a drunk giant on the floor. Looking at the wreckage that is my room, I nod my head and said to myself how the HULK can turn into SHE HULK in just a matter of days.
Now that you know my three good friends, one might think twice before calling someone gay again, for if you think about it, all guys are also made of that forty-thirty percent. All guys do cry, most guys do take care of their complexion, all guys do have fears; in other words all guys have that feminine side in them. So let’s face it all you egotistic patriarchal hotdogs, the best sausages aren’t made up of only one hundred percent beef, it’s the other ingredients in them that makes them just delicious!
Hahaha. I love the HULK turned SHE HULK anecdote. Five DVDs? Classic!
My brother never cries, not even when he breaks up with his past girlfriends. But we spotted him last year arriving home in tears. Apparently, he and his girlfriend had a spat. The sight of my brother’s tears struck all of us. For me, it proved that he took this girl seriously. It seems that I was right. They’re married now.
(No, he didn’t watch DVDs though)
Greetings Mr.Chung!
It seems that our paths cross again.. *My animal/Beast instincts tell me that we will have a lot more of these encounters.*
SUMMARY:
Mr. Aldrich Chung opened his blog with a very intriguing question. Indeed, it had me hooked the very instant I read it (That’s one hook of massive proportions, considering that it managed to hook one Beast of a “fish”). After narrowing his ideas, he finally drops the “bomb” – his thesis statement: “I believe that it would kill every man to find out that they are actually a lot more of a woman than they know it.”
After stating the main idea of his blog, he provides substantial support through exemplification. He narrates 3 stories about people he knows: 1) Red, 2) Don, and 3) JJ.
Finally, he ties everything up with a solid conclusion.
You really had me thinking how much of a “man” I was. Quite the challenge, I might add, for I don’t think I’m much of a man.. more of a Beast. But enough of this! I digress. On to things of more import…
ASSESSMENT:
This piece was very well though of. I must commend the choice of words and the humor packed within these sausage-filled sentences.
The entry was very organized; the logic, very sound. I have nothing more to say but this: Touche, Mr. Chung! Another job well done!
After much contemplating on the matter at hand, I have come to the conclusion that I am 100% Beast and am 100% interested in meeting (and possibly mating with) a SHE-Beast. 8D hahaha!
Till next week, Mr. Chung!
i agree with the Beast! hahaha VGJ drich!
Word…
Summary:
You opened up with a very interesting question, considering the increasing number of “metrosexuals” nowadays. The entry revolves around the topic of how feminine some men can be, sometimes in secret. He states his thesis statement: “I believe that it would kill every man to find out that they are actually a lot more of a woman than they know it.” And later supports it with three entertaining anecdotes.
Assessment:
– Excellent and very entertaining topic and anecdotes, I had a great time reading it. I too think that men always have a feminine side to them, except Rambo or the dude in Contra.
- This is just me but I noticed that males are being referred to sausages more and more often. Well, perhaps it’s just the culture today with movies like Good Luck Chuck, Superbad, American Pie, Knocked Up, etc., which all portray men as a horny, testorone-driven sex (which isn’t entirely wrong though, but come on, we’re not all like that). The reason why I find referring to men as sausages entertaining is also the same reason why I dislike it. Are we all just walking penises? (Oops, censor?) Haha, but really, I think it’s a degradation of the sex. Nevertheless, this is still a very entertaining entry.
- Nicely written Dritch.
Other comments:
- Word up, Beast. Haha I wonder how a She-beast would look like
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Word….
Summary:
You start with an interesting question and topic, considering the increasing number of “metrosexuals” that I seem to see nowadays. The entry revolves around the topic of men always having a feminine side, which is most of the time kept secret. The thesis statement is stated: “I believe that it would kill every man to find out that they are actually a lot more of a woman than they know it.” The body consists of three entertaining anecdotes that support this thesis statement.
Assessment.
- Excellent choice of a topic. I too believe that every man has a feminine side, well except Rambo or that dude in the game Contra.
- This is just me but I noticed that men are, more and more often, being referred to as sausages “sausage-fest” or “sausage-bonding.” Well, I suppose it’s the culture nowadays with movies like Good Luck Chuck, Superbad, The American Pie series, Knocked Up, etc. that portray men as a horny, testosterone-driven sex (which isn’t entirely wrong, in fairness. But come on, not all men are like that). And the same reason why I find the referring to men as sausages particularly entertaining is the same reason why I dislike it. Are we all just walking penises? (oops, censor?) Haha, but really, I think it’s a degradation of masculinity. But I know you had to use it as a hook and in the conclusion, which was quite entertaining ^_^. Nevertheless, I still think it’s a great entry.
Other Comments:
-Word up, Beast. Haha I wonder how a She-beast would look like
point well taken. Even us superheroes have to cry too you know.