assessment
-it was generally good
-i have to agree with wonder woman, it might have been rushed a little. While the content is excellent, your transitions make it a little hard to connect each paragraph to one another.
- on the subject of the jokes in the essay… they were fine, jokes are good… it’s all about the transition from funny to serious.
- i wanted to know what the priest said after… Maybe you cut off the conversation too early.

Assessment
Okay, thought and effort–well, the fact that I could read his post right now is proof of effort in itself. However, I had the impression you wrote this in one go and didn’t even bother editing it.
Clear and organized–not quite. The essay seemed to be written rashly. In the introduction, he starts by asking his readers about sleepovers. He narrates the scenario in a typical Atenean sleepover then suddenly shifts to his own account of one–”…Add this to having numerous activities that promote class unity and this certainly makes this an event to remember FOR ALL Ateneans. However, after searching high and low for hours for ghosts only to find nothing, one by one OUR classmates start heading back to the room disappointed.” The transition was vague.
As for your thesis statement–”I believe I have this gift because of three past experiences I had.” Come on, you have a third eye, you don’t have to put much effort to make that sound interesting, but you didn’t have to make it look so dull either. The sixth sense reference, that’s probably one of the most quoted lines ever, if you made it a little more personal like saying straight out that you can see dead people, instead of directly quoting it, then at least it deviated, even just a little, from the original. Also, I can’t help but be bothered by this sentence in your first anecdote: “To this date, I have YET TO return to that room and HAVE NO INTENTIONS of EVER doing so.” It sounded contradicting.

The anecdotes were interesting, though you didn’t have to put in bullet form, since it’s understood this is an essay of exemplification.
I don’t know if it was intentional, but the essay’s tone was not at all scary, at least not in the beginnng. “People bringing sleeping bags, Magic/Pokemon/playing cards, basketball attires, a Play Station and a small television set, and lots and lots of healthy foods… NOT! What I meant to say was lots and lots of JUNK FOOD!!” I know you were only showing how fun the sleepovers were, but since your essay was mainly about your third eye and not the sleepovers, it would have been more effective if you narrated it in a way that the readers would focus on your extraordinary ability than the “JUNK FOOD!!”
The “I am dead serious” was funny. I don’t even know if it was meant to be a joke, but hey, now I know why some people won’t believe you. Lastly, the “we are not alone” part wasn’t really effective in scaring the readers, if that was what you were attempting. Maybe it was because of the inconsistent tone of the essay, or it was just plain trite.

I also wonder, since I’m wonderwoman (tugsh pak!), why a ghost would want to drink milk before stabbing someone. And– if the third floor didn’t exist, where did the product of your “nature call” go (which, I believe, you did make exist)? =)