I See Dead People
Who here has attended class nights or sleep overs in campus? If you are from the Ateneo, it is impossible to have not experienced this. People bringing sleeping bags, Magic/Pokemon/playing cards, basketball attires, a Play Station and a small television set, and lots and lots of healthy foods… NOT! What I meant to say was lots and lots of JUNK FOOD!! Add this to having numerous activities that promote class unity and this certainly makes this an event to remember for all Ateneans. However, aside from playing basketball until the break of dawn, one activity that rules this sleep over is ghost hunting. Just the name of it intrigues us to join in this hunt. However, after searching high and low for hours for ghosts only to find nothing, one by one our classmates start heading back to the room disappointed. I am usually the first one to head back not because of disappointment, but rather because of fright. Just as that little boy told Bruce Willis in the movie Sixth Sense, “I see dead people.”
I believe I have this gift because of three past experiences I had. These are the following:
- Our family is based from Kawit, Cavite. Every Sunday, we would visit our grandmother’s house which is still the same house where my mother grew up in. Sometimes, when our schedules would permit, we would sleep over there to keep our grandmother company. And every time we would, my siblings and I would always do anything to not sleep in the room at the end of the hallway. That room used to belong to our uncle and ever since his time, there have been stories about it. The scariest one being that someone keeps knocking at the door during the wee hours of the morning. During one of our sleep overs, I was the unlucky one and ended up having to sleep in that room. I was scared out of my pants that I tried sleeping early to avoid hearing the knock at the door. However, as fate would put it, I could not sleep. The grandfather clock would sound as hour after hour passed by until the clock struck 3 a.m. I started hearing that knocking sound and did my best to not pay attention to it. But after all the years of someone knocking on that door… that was the night it decided to enter. I saw was a dark figure entering the room and I could not move any muscle in my body and could not scream because of fright. As soon as I could, I got up out of the bed and ran as fast as I can out of there. To this date, I have yet to return to that room and have no intentions of ever doing so.
- I attended a silent retreat during my third year in High School. We held the retreat in this old compound where our teachers said that this was the place where all the Jesuits go to hold their own silent retreats. During one of the prayer sessions, my stomach did not feel well so I asked permission to go back in my room. Walking back, nature called so I headed towards the bathroom only to find it already used and dirty. It was too disgusting to use so I went up the stairs and used the bathroom in the third floor. After using it, one of the Jesuits there startled me as he greeted me outside the restroom. He apologized for surprising me and asked how my stomach was feeling. I told him that there was no need for apologies and said that my stomach was feeling better already. I headed back down to the second floor and was greeted by another Jesuit, this one asking where I came from. I told him I had used the restroom upstairs only to have been shocked by his response. He told me, “Iho… walang third floor dito.”
- As a child, I used to sleep with a glass of milk next to me. One night however, changed all that. I was already sleeping when I heard someone enter my room. I was facing the other side of the room so I did not bother shifting sides to check who it was. The person that entered walked slowly next to my bed, then I heard him drink the glass of milk. That got me to turn to see who it was but to my dismay, it was a bugler and he had a knife in hand! He was about to stab me so I jumped out of my bed to avoid him. As I did, I suddenly woke up with all my pillows and blanket on the floor. I thought to myself that good thing it was just a dream. However, I felt tingles down my spine as I looked at my side and saw that my glass of milk was already empty.
People sometimes just laugh when I say I have a third eye. They claim that it is only one of my jokes and that they do not believe me anymore. However, with these experiences I hope you understand that I am not kidding. In fact, I am dead serious. Every time you think that you are alone in the house and then all of a sudden here footsteps coming from the other room, or you think that you saw something but just say that it was just nothing… think again. Think again because we are not alone. We are never alone.
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Ever heard of spirit quest?
Summary
Jo talked about sleepovers first, then brought up ghost hunting, and finally revealed his speculation that he has a third eye. He narrated three encounters–the black figure in his grandmother’s house, the nonexistent 3rd floor in his retreat, and the milk-drinking, knife- bearing burglar (you said bugler, but i assumed it was a typo since i don’t know what a bugler is) in his room. Then he sums it up telling the readers that ghosts are real.
Assessment
Okay, thought and effort–well, the fact that I could read his post right now is proof of effort in itself. However, I had the impression you wrote this in one go and didn’t even bother editing it.
Clear and organized–not quite. The essay seemed to be written rashly. In the introduction, he starts by asking his readers about sleepovers. He narrates the scenario in a typical Atenean sleepover then suddenly shifts to his own account of one–”…Add this to having numerous activities that promote class unity and this certainly makes this an event to remember FOR ALL Ateneans. However, after searching high and low for hours for ghosts only to find nothing, one by one OUR classmates start heading back to the room disappointed.” The transition was vague.
As for your thesis statement–”I believe I have this gift because of three past experiences I had.” Come on, you have a third eye, you don’t have to put much effort to make that sound interesting, but you didn’t have to make it look so dull either. The sixth sense reference, that’s probably one of the most quoted lines ever, if you made it a little more personal like saying straight out that you can see dead people, instead of directly quoting it, then at least it deviated, even just a little, from the original. Also, I can’t help but be bothered by this sentence in your first anecdote: “To this date, I have YET TO return to that room and HAVE NO INTENTIONS of EVER doing so.” It sounded contradicting.
The anecdotes were interesting, though you didn’t have to put in bullet form, since it’s understood this is an essay of exemplification.
I don’t know if it was intentional, but the essay’s tone was not at all scary, at least not in the beginnng. “People bringing sleeping bags, Magic/Pokemon/playing cards, basketball attires, a Play Station and a small television set, and lots and lots of healthy foods… NOT! What I meant to say was lots and lots of JUNK FOOD!!” I know you were only showing how fun the sleepovers were, but since your essay was mainly about your third eye and not the sleepovers, it would have been more effective if you narrated it in a way that the readers would focus on your extraordinary ability than the “JUNK FOOD!!”
The “I am dead serious” was funny. I don’t even know if it was meant to be a joke, but hey, now I know why some people won’t believe you. Lastly, the “we are not alone” part wasn’t really effective in scaring the readers, if that was what you were attempting. Maybe it was because of the inconsistent tone of the essay, or it was just plain trite.
I also wonder, since I’m wonderwoman (tugsh pak!), why a ghost would want to drink milk before stabbing someone. And– if the third floor didn’t exist, where did the product of your “nature call” go (which, I believe, you did make exist)? =)
I’m not trying to be scary, just writing about something I believe that I can’t prove. And no matter what I am writing about, it is second nature for me to add a little humor in it. Not my fault you can’t seem to enjoy it
Ghost ghosts ghosts… This post was all about ghosts. He begins by asking us if we believe in ghosts. He then reveals that he believes in ghosts because HE BELIEVES he has a “third eye” He then proceeds to give personal experiences that involve him and ghosts.
assessment
-it was generally good
-i have to agree with wonder woman, it might have been rushed a little. While the content is excellent, your transitions make it a little hard to connect each paragraph to one another.
- on the subject of the jokes in the essay… they were fine, jokes are good… it’s all about the transition from funny to serious.
- i wanted to know what the priest said after… Maybe you cut off the conversation too early.
sorry na :/